Fall College/Grad School Essentials

Hello everybody!

Fall is one of my favorite seasons (not that there are too many, but it's definitely top 2), mainly because my birthday falls in the fall (lol so punny #jkno) and because I can be fashionable without being relatively covered in as many layers as an onion. It's cold but not that cold, it's toasty but not that toasty. The colors change, basic white girls like myself show off our awesome riding boots and vests are in full swing. FALL >>>> everything.

As a somewhat "experienced" grad schooler, I have been in college/university for 7 years (Jesus Christ WHY), and I notice that every season asks for certain necessities. Here are mine:

Clockwise from top left:

- Lilly Pulitzer Agenda: Remember back in the day when figuring out which print to choose for my Lilly Pulitzer planner was the biggest of my problems? Yeah, fun times. But really, my agenda is like my inanimate (and way less expensive) personal assistant, and as a grad school student, I need to be on top of my assignments and my teaching, and a bright, cheerful planner helps me do all that without getting depressed. Plus, there is no better satisfaction than ticking off the assignments you've completed.

- Essie Nail Polish in Marshmallow: Do you believe in the "Treat Yo Self" philosophy? I bet 99.9% of you do, and the rest, well... standard error? I like to treat myself to Essie nail polish every once in a while, particularly after getting paid. I used to have a very opaque white nail polish that looked like white out (not the prettiest), and I was missing that white color in my nails. Enter Marshmallow, a sheer white nail polish. It is not super bright (which I love, fall is not for neons. Although if you like neon in the fall, you do you, I'm not gonna stop you) and it looks my MEGAPALE hands look less dead. A+

- J. Crew Factory Navy Vest: I like navy. JK I'M OBSESSED. A navy vest makes EVERY SINGLE OUTFIT look a little more polished and you still have your arms as free as America!

- Luscious Lemon Poppyseed Vegan Cookie: I study a lot. And I need sugar or some pick me up to keep me going. Enter this giant cookie from the Alternative Baking Company. I'm not vegan or vegetarian or anything (#bacon), but I saw this cookie, bought it, and holy molly isn't it amazing! I really recommend these!

- Blanket Scarf: I finally gave in and got the ultimate basic b fall staple. Well actually, my lovely friends gave me this for my birthday, and oh gosh I'm SO HAPPY about it. Illinois is cold, but I fight it like a pink diva!

- Louise et Cie Riding Boots: Goodness gracious, look at the color of these. They scream fall. Enough said.

There are many things I use during fall, but these are the main ones. Which are your fall staples?

Love,

- Ane

Being thankful

Kaixo readers,

Disclaimer, this post is personal and long, so if you are not interested in my struggles, feel free not to keep reading.

Thanksgiving break is long gone, and while it has been absolutely awesome, I have not been able to tell anyone what I'm thankful for. Not because I didn't have the chance, but because I really don't know if I should be thankful for the past year. Don't get me wrong, I am really thankful for my family and friends, having a job and all those things that have been a constant in my life. I am thankful for those things and for them not having changed.

However, when I read everyone's posts giving thanks, surrounded by happiness and joy, I felt that I could not share that feeling. This year has been the most challenging test in my life. It hasn't been one of the most challenging, no, it has been THE most challenging. I've experienced loss, heartbreak and desperation, but most importantly, I've experienced struggling against myself. My mental health has been at its lowest point. I have struggled against my waning feelings, my lack of interest in everything I felt passionate about and the exhausting physical feeling of impending doom.

I have to say that the end of my relationship was a blessing in disguise. The morning struggle and everyday anxiety and depressive moods have diminished, which makes my daily life easier. I don't cry everyday. I have days without a single negative feeling in my mind. I laugh hysterically with my roommate and friends, and I have broken free from my auto-imposed perfectionism. I study hard every single day, but at the end of the day I do not feel like my life is pointless, or as if my life was measured by the A+s. If I cannot do it, it's okay.

In spite of the improvement, I still struggle. I struggle with loneliness, and my future prospect of it. I imagined finishing grad school and moving to a new place, and how hard it would be to meet new friends. The other day, I had nightmares about being home alone day after day. I struggle with wanting to be with somebody and the absolute panic it causes me to think about commitment, about going through another painful relationship all over again, the terror it causes me the prospect of being stuck with someone. I have tried to meet new people, and I have, but I cannot connect with them. I have not been able to like someone romantically, the butterflies I used to have are gone. There is no excitement.

I sometimes wish I hadn't been in a relationship, that I'd still be able to be hopeful about true love. But here I am, and I'm dealing with it. I wish I were thankful about having learnt a lesson, but how does that help me now? I cannot see my life going anywhere better, happier or fuller. I live, but just because I have to.

In any case, I can hope for a better future, for being able to feel the beautiful feelings I used to have before. I AM THANKFUL for my loved ones to keep me pushing for a better future. It will come.
Love,

- Ane

Halloween OOTD: It's Britney B***h

My loneliness, is killing me, and now, I must confess, I still believe. When I'm not with you I lose my mind, give me a sign. Hit me baby one more time!! As I mentioned a week ago, I was Britney for Halloween! Let me show you what I wore so that you can replicate it if you're out of ideas! :)

I found another Britney. Her name was actually Britney!

Cardigan: Forever 21 // Shirt: Zara (old) // Bralette: Forever 21 // Skirt: Ragstock // Socks: Forever 21 // Shoes: J. Crew Factory (old) // Bag: Lefties (old) // Hair ties: Amazon // Ribbon: Hobby Lobby

Most of my stuff is old, so let me give you easy (and cheap!) alternatives for you all:

Oxford shirt: J. Crew Factory

Ballet flats: J. Crew Factory

Crossbody bag: Forever 21

There is a great thing about this costume, and that is that no matter what you end up buying for it, it'll still be wearable for any other day. How awesome is that?

Love,

- Ane